Sunday, 4 September 2016

बुंदेलखंडी प्यार की बातें



बुंदेलखंडी प्यार की बातें।


लड़का : काय सुनीता ।
हम कैसे मान लें कि तुम हमें प्यार करत हो ???
लड़की : याद करो परकी साल तुम अपनी जिज्जी के साथ
हमाये घर आये थे
और
हमाये आँगन के कोने में गुटखा थूको हतो
लड़का : हओ सो !!!
लड़की : हम ने आज लो ऊ जगह को
गोबर से एइसे नही लीपो
कि कहुँ
तुमाये प्यार की निशानी ना मिट जाये

Wednesday, 10 December 2014

Santa's SWOT Analysis on his resume

Santa's SWOT Analysis on his  resume :-
1⃣ Strength - My Wife Manjeet.
2⃣ Weakness - Banta's wife Manpreet.
3⃣ Opportunity - When Banta is on Tour.
4⃣ Threat - When I'm on Tour. 

Height of irresponsibility

My Wi-Fi suddenly stopped working. Then I learnt that my neighbors haven't paid the bill.
.
..
...
How irresponsible they are!😎😆😆

Sunday, 7 December 2014

INSTALLING HUSBAND AND UPDATING IT



A Woman writes to the IT Technical Support Guy


Dear Tech Support,

Last year I Upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a Distinct Slowdown in the overall System Performance, particularly in the Flower and Jewellery Applications, which Operated Flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 Uninstalled another Valuable Program, Romance 9.5 and then Installed undesirable Programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1

What can I do ?

Reply:-

Dear Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter Command: "ithoughtyoulovedme.html" and try to Download Tears 6.2. Then it will automatically run the Applications Jewellery 3.0 and Flowers 3.5

However, remember, Overuse of the above Application can cause Husband 1.0 to Default to Silence 3.5 or Beer 6.1.

Also DO NOT disturb the original Package of Husband 1.0.... Otherwise new Virus Girlfriend 2.5 automatically be Downloaded into your System.

So be careful. In addition, please do not attempt to Re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 Program. These are Unsupported Applications and will Crash Husband 1.0.

We recommend: Cooking 5.0 and Hot Looks 7.7

Good Luck Madam.



Language that rocks Mumbai and is understood only in Mumbai

Language that rocks Mumbai and is understood only in
Mumbai.....


    



1. There's a minor problem -
Arre yaar, "Waanda" ho gaya

2. There's a big problem -
Arre yaar, "Jhol" ho gaya

3. There's a huge problem..(unsolvable) -
Arre yaar,"Raada" ho Gaya

4. You'll be surprised -
Ekdam "Hill " jayega tu

5. I am going out of this place -
Chal apun "Kaltii" marta hai.

6. Don't make a fool of others -
Dekh , tu "Shendi" mat laga sabko



7. Just get out of here,you oversmart fool!! -
Chal e shane, "Hawa"aan de

8. I am not a stupid out here -
Apun kya "ALIBAUG" se nahi aaya

9. There's some misunderstanding -
Arre kuch "Galat Faimili" ho gayi

10. Do u drink daily? -
Tu kya roz "FULL TO" hota hai?

11. See, You are afraid.. -
Dekh , teri to "FAT" gayi

12. Shall I bash u? -
E Du kya "Kharcha Pani" ?

13. Just take him into a secret place -
Use jara "Khopche" me leke ja

14. What a beautiful lady !! -
Kya "Zakaas Item" hai yaar!!

15. Don't just bluff. -
E Jyaada "RAAG" mat de..

16. Don't take much tension.. -
Jyaada "LOAD" nahi leneka kya??

17. Your clothes are very awkward!! -
Kya "ZAGMAG-- DHINKCHAAK"
pehna tune?

18. I don't care about it much..!! -
Abe yaar , "Hata Saawan Ki Ghata"

19. Please don't bore me... -
Jyaada "PAKAA" mat be tu

20. All this be done without anyone's notice -
Sab kaam "SUUMDI" me hona chahiye...kya?

21- unnecessarily interfering -
oongli karne mein bahoot mazaa aata hai kya ?

22- someone expired -
woh tapak gaya

Mumbaikars would b having a smile on their face after
reading this ...!!!

Even i got a smile on my face....
Share it guys
Proud to b a citizen of mumbai



Beauty and Brains never go together



Beauty and Brains never  go together..

Here's how it's exhibited..

A woman entered a auto workshop and asked for a 'seven-hundred- ten'.
😀
All looked at each other, and the mechanic asked, "What is a seven-hundred- ten?"

She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine. I lost it and need a new one. It had always been there."

The mechanic gave the woman a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710 !!




The mechanic was clueless, all other workers one by one took the paper and tried to figure out, but none could understand it. Finally the mechanic took the lady over to another car which had the hood up and asked, "Is there a 710 on this car?"

She pointed and said, "Of course, it's right there."

mechanic fainted, yet not recovered from shock !!
😇
Now go to the photo below to learn what a 710 is...






Sunday, 24 August 2014

Height of Smiley usage whatsaap joke


(Height of Smiley usage) 
Boyfriend & girlfriend on wats app :

Boy:kesi ho...??
Girl: :)

Boy: missing me..?
Girl:-:)

Boy: yar meri tabiyat khrab hai
Girl:- :)

Boy: aaj kaisa din  guzra...??
Girl:-  :)

Boy: busy ho...??

Girl: umhm ..

Boy:- Koi paas hai...??
Girl: naaaa 

Boy: To kuch likh bhi de,
apne Baap ki shaklein kyu send kar rahi hai?
Girl:- :O :O

Boy: I heard u failed in English?

Girl: Who TELLED you? It is UNpossible.. I sawED d result ystrdy... I Passed AWAY

Boy:   .. tu smiley hi use kar...






Great saying whats aap joke


अगर आपने अपनी शट॔ का पहला बटन गलत लगाया है तो निसंदेह बाकी सभी बटन गलत ही लगेंगे ।
      .

     .

     .
   
     .
      - घनश्याम टेलर


जरूरी नही है हर बात म. गांधी या शेक्सपीयर ने कही हो ।।।

अगर आपकी राह में छोटे छोटे पत्थर आये तो समझ लेना।।।


।।।।।रोड का काम चल रहा हे।।।

��भंवरलाल  ठेकेदार��



 जिंदगी में सिर्फ पाना ही सबकुछ नहीं होता,
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..


उसके साथ नट बोल्ट भी चाहिए...🔧🔩.
-महादेव मिस्त्री
.




मुस्कुराने की आदत भी कितनी महँगी पड़ी हमको, . . .
भुला दिया सब ने ये कह कर की -
"तुम तो अकेले भी खुश रह लेते हो...!!!"

""मौत से बचने का सबसे शानदार तरीका है,
दूसरो के दिलों में जिन्दा रहना सीख लो.....!
वरना मर तो इंसान तभी जाता है,
जब याद करने वाला कोई ना हो..!!""
         
        
मुझे इल्म-ओ-अक़्ल उतनी ही देना मेरे साहिब ।
कि कभी दख़ल न कर सकूँ तेरी रजा में ... 